How do I move? What do I think? What is next? Will we be
okay?
I had a dear friend’s mother say that after her daughter was
tragically hit by a truck and died. We were a family of 5, now we are a family of 4.
I kept playing that over and over in my mind.
You wake up each day wrapping your head around your emptiness.
You start by dipping your toe in the water, then both feet, your body, and then your head.
Dipping my toe in the water was opening my eyes to what happened. I needed to stop blaming myself for so many things.
Both feet were in the water. The realization that I needed to find a way back to being a whole person again.
In the beginning you try to find meaning or a purpose to
move forward.
My children needed a strong parent. I needed to honor my spouse by getting his affairs in order .I needed to work to keep busy and not let my thoughts wander.
I moved into the water with my body. It was cold but I had no choice but to go in and start swimming.
What was my next step without him? It was only me now. Each decision I would make on my own, but always making it as if he were beside me.
Everyday a memory pops up and slowly they are memories of comfort and I smile and cry less.
I have each of my children to remind me of him.They resemble and honor him in different ways without even knowing it.
I put my head in the water and move freely in the water.
I decide what I will do next. I challenge myself to things I have never done.
Next I will climb a mountain.